find my soulmate, finding love, find soulmate, find true love, soulmate book

Apr 17

One of the most interesting, yet baffling, thing about life is that out of all the people in the world, a few fortunate ones will touch our lives in a special way and leave lasting impressions. One such person is your karmic soul mate.

While other soul mates come into your life for intimate reasons, not so the karmic soul mates; for they are the ones who come into your life to teach you something about yourself or help you with a particular task.

While there are usually no sexual relations with this person, there is still that bond, that closeness, that inevitable feeling that this person is pretty darn special. It may be a special friend, co-worker or even a member of your family, but one thing is for sure, without them your life would not be complete.

I have compiled ten questions and answers that will explain in more detail what karmic soul mates are all about. It is my hope that you come away with a clearer understanding of the karmic soul mate relationship and can use this knowledge to recognize those people who touch you in ways no others can.

Can a karmic relationship go on to the next level?

No. Once a karmic soul mate, always a karmic soul mate. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of believing that there is more there that really isn’t. The karmic soul mate solely comes into your life to teach you something or you teach them and then they – as well as you – move on.

What kind of lessons do karmic soul mates teach you?

That depends on the particular situation. One karmic soul mate may come into your life to teach you about strength, while another might teach you about compassion. I’ve had karmic soul mates come into my life to show me that I needed to stop and smell the roses. I’ve had karmic soul mates come into my life to show me how to better myself. I’ve also had karmic soul mates come into my life to help me complete tasks I wouldn’t otherwise know how to do on my own.

Do karmic soul mates find their way into each other’s path again?

Of course. But when they do, it’s to learn new lessons.

The karmic soul mate bond, just as in other soul mate relationships, never goes away.

You say that family members can be karmic soul mates. Can you give an example?

Your mother is your first karmic soul mate. The aunt who took care of you when your parents couldn’t is another example. The grandmother who encouraged you throughout college, and was always there for you when others couldn’t or wouldn’t. Good examples of karmic soul mates. They support you, love you and are there for you.

Can animals be soul mates, too?

Yes, as funny as this seems, animals can fall into this category.

I have a story in my anthology, Romancing the Soul, by an incredible writer named Avie Townsend that exemplifies the karmic soul mate experience beautifully.

When I read her story about a cat she owned named Eli, I knew right away that this was no ordinary pet. Avie and Eli had connected on a spiritual level and exhibited extraordinary personal communication. Cats, as well as other animals, all have souls.

Remember, every living organism on this earth can become your soul mate.

If this is so, what about that philodendron sitting in my living room? It is a living organism. Can that plant be a soul mate, too?

As strange as it sounds, yes. Because of the fact that it is a living, breathing organism, it has potential of becoming a karmic soul mate. Have you ever seen a homeless person carrying around a certain plant? I have. That plant must have had special meanings to it or could it be they have connected on a karmic soul mate plane? Sure!

It is a documented fact that when you talk to plants, they thrive. Ignore them and while they may not die, they do not prosper as much than if you were to “connect” with them on a spiritual level. Talk to your plants and see if I’m not right.

Anything that is breathing and alive can be a potential soul mate.

Could I ever end up marrying my karmic soul mate?

No. This would fall into the companion soul mate category.

What are the differences?

A karmic soul mate comes into your life for you to teach them something or to learn something from them. A companion soul mate comes into your life for intimacy and/or childbearing.

A karmic soul mate comes into your life intermittently while a companion soul mate relationship can go on for years.

A karmic soul mate is the easiest soul mate to find while the companion soul mate takes time and much thought and is the most tumultuous of the three separate kinds of soul mates.

Why do you say tumultuous?

The karmic soul mate relationship usually stays on an even keel, while the companion soul mate comes with its own set of problems. That’s not saying that there won’t be differences within the karmic soul mate relationship, but that it never gets as explosive as it does within the companion soul mate relationship. Of the three kinds of soul mates – karmic, companion and twin soul – the companion soul mate relationship is the category that takes a lot of work for it to succeed. A karmic soul mate relationship requires no – if little – work to remain at an even balance of wills and demands.

What else would you like to say about soul mates?

In order for you to fulfill your life’s destiny, you must allow your karmic soul mates to enter your life. What would have happened if Lucy did not have Ethel to get her out of all those jams? Karmic soul mates come into your life for reasons and it is through them that we discover an important side to life in general and to ourselves, too. Our lives would not be complete if not for the incredible bond of the karmic soul mate.

Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is one of the nation’s leading authorities on soul mates. Her book “Romancing the Soul” and ebook “How to Find and Keep Your Soul Mate” are two of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy’s relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad and has been quoted in such books as “Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees” by Cheryl Dellasega. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio, Single Talk (World Talk Radio), Around2It, and Cuzin Eddie Show with Penny Sansevieri and 850 KOA-AM (Clear Channel Radio with listeners in 38 states, Canada and Mexico) and other media outlets.

To receive a FREE special report on “Ten Tips in Identifying Your Soul Mate,” visit her personal website at http://www.dorothythompson.net or her soul mate advice website at http://www.soulmateadvice.homestead.com You can also visit her blog at http://www.overthehillchick.blogspot.com

=============================================================================
If you would like to find out how you can find your Soulmate in Six Easy Steps.
Click on the link at The Soulmate System .
For a free copy of the 24 page Step One to The Soulmate System, click here
for more details. Otherwise check out The Soulmate System Blog here.
=============================================================================

Apr 16

Avoid Dating Fatigue

Dating fatigue happens a lot. And that’s too bad. Because many miss out on meeting the person they could really have build a life with.

Why? Simply because they let the dating rigmarole run them ragged. Once depressed and wounded, they close their minds and hearts to real possibilities. Some begin the next date with an attitude of negativity and disappointment that suffocates all hope.

Others simply stop dating, and they do it one date before they might have met Mr. or Ms. Quite Right. They don’t know that, of course, and it’s a good thing they don’t.

The worst part is, once stopped, one of two things often happen. They let that stop become permanent. Or they start again from scratch, making the same mistakes-or worse-because they keep the anger and embitterment developed during their “Dating Shutdown.”

How to avoid all that?

Try these:

1. Know what you’re looking for deep down. No long lists of characteristics, eye colors, and bank-account sums. Start with the essence. What kind of person are you looking for? Who do you believe you could spend your life with? Begin with this thought: “I could spend my life with someone who…”

2. Know what and whom you want to avoid. “I couldn’t spend my life with someone who…”

3. Notice if there’s a long list for #2 and a short list for #1. That often means you know lots about who you don’t want and little about who you do want. Ask yourself how you can reverse that situation.

4. Don’t date just to date. Do mix with new groups, different sorts of people, various activities, and do ask your friends to help you meet their friends. No fix-ups, just casual hanging out for starters.

5. Enjoy everyone you meet as a person first.

6. Build yourself into a person you would really like to hang out with.

7. Believe that when you’re ready to date, you’ll know it. It may not come as a feeling that says “Hey! I want to get back in cir-cu-la-tion!” Most of my clients report that it’s a quieter, more subtle feeling that says, “I’d like to go out with X” or “I want t get to know more about Y.”

8. Know your limit. It’s like drinking. Some people want to schedule incessant dates from Thursday night to Sunday night. Others want to get to know someone instead of auditioning a crowd. Discover your style and respect it.

9. Take breaks when needed. Savor each date or meeting. Learn about yourself and use that in your next encounter. You’ll have more quality encounters that way.

Most important, allow yourself to have fun. Don’t look to score the big hit. Nudge yourself to experience, grow and learn along the way. It will make the next relationship a higher quality one that may turn out to be a keeper. ©2008 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.

Wendy Lapidus-Saltz is a mind coach who uses hypnosis and other techniques to help people break unproductive habits of thought and action, and create productive new ones. Based in Chicago and an expert at phone sessions, she specializes in smoking-cessation and issues of love and relationship. For more info on her programs visit http://www.nonsmoker4life.com and http://www.hypno-attraction.com or call 312-640-1584 for a brief consultation during business hours, Central time.

Apr 15

Insider Secret to Attract Soul Mate

There’s nothing I love more than a good romantic movie. Richard Gere overcoming his fear of heights to proclaim his love to Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman” gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I remember crying my eyes out in “13 Going on 30″ because I wanted that type of love. I knew it existed but I never believed it could happen for me.

Ironically during my lack of love life at that time, I was helping many people connect and fall in love. I was happy on the surface and encouraged my clients to open their heart when I did Soul Mate readings and workshops yet I felt hopeless inside. “Fake it till you make it” was my mantra.

I read women’s dating books like “The Rules,” that gave me temporary strength. Yes, I’ll teach those men that I’m in control and I’m powerful and I don’t need any man.

The problem was, my soul was upset with me. My soul told me “Joanna, this is not the way to find true love.”

“Why?” I asked my spirit guide.

“Because you’re not in alignment with your heart’s desire.”

“But I have to be strong or men will walk all over me and I’ll get my heart broken again.”

“Joanna, you’re missing the point. The key to attracting your Soul Mate is you have to be true to yourself.”

“What do you mean, true to myself?”

“When you’re busy during your day and someone phones on your cell, do you stop what you’re doing?”

“No, I focus on my work.”

“If someone you’re attracted to who makes your heart skip a beat phones do you answer?”

“No, maybe, yes.”

“The key is to live on purpose in your life. Stay focused on your goals. Give attention to and nurture your creativity. When you stop the flow and go outside of your own energy because “He” is calling you, the alignment of your soul gets knocked off track.”

“How?”

“You get those terrible butterflies in your stomach when he doesn’t call, right?”

“Yes, what does it mean?”

“It means that the love cannot last, even if he is a Soul Mate because you’re not taking care of yourself. The secret is to commit to your life purpose and then you shall attract your Soul Mate to you like a Magnet”.

I took my spirit guide’s advice and stopped answering my cell phone if I was in the middle of work. If I was feeling vulnerable, I’d turn off my phone and stay away from email until I’d completed all my tasks for the day.

I started to feel great that I was taking care of myself. My self esteem began to increase and soon after that I attracted my husband into my life.

America’s Intuition Coach™ Joanna Garzilli helps Soul Mates experience a love connection worldwide. Are you ready to live passionately? Joanna shares her insider soul mate secrets in “Synchronicity News” a FREE bi-monthly ezine. Learn more http://www.joannagarzilli.com

She currently teaches “How To Attract Your Soul Mate” and “Trust Your Intuition” at The Bodhi Tree Annex West Hollywood, The Aura Shop Santa Monica, and Vision Quest Bookstore Scottsdale Arizona. Joanna has featured as a clairvoyant on MTV. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband Nick, dog and two cats.

Apr 14

How To Make A Guy Want You – 3 Things To Make A Guy Like You!

Have you ever known any women who seem to be “lucky in love” and where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them? Do you know how to make a guy that you like want you?

Well, it is not a magic to make any guy you like want you. You don’t need to be gorgeous or young either. And you don’t have to be LUCKY too. What you NEED to do is to LEARN! Here are 3 things that you can do to start making him want you:

1. Developing attractive personality

Developing an attractive personality is truly the core of being successful in making a guy wants you. Attractive personality comes from a sense of enjoyment for life. The moment you express your emotions like outgoing, fun, active, have goals and ambitions, look and feel healthy, you naturally generate these waves of excitement around you and guys do click on it.

Once you feel naturally happy and excited about your existence, you can develop a special flirty connection with a guy you like. If you think about attraction only when you have a crush, you feel pressured and stressed because you feel you need to develop all these skills at once. Start right now developing an attractive personality! That way, when you truly have to be at your best, you’ll have no problem giving yourself this extra kick to seduce a specific man you like

2. Make a guy feels good when he is around you

It is very simple: you want to understand his needs and give him what he is looking for. When you speak to him, identify what he likes and does not like and see how you can be part of this picture. Remember that guys come back to you because of the way they feel about themselves when they are with you.

If he can feel good, laughter, fun, joy, connection, some depth, refinement, and pleasure when he is with you and you are also an open door into something he wants, then this is the moment that he gets attracted to you.

3. Focus first on flirting with him!

If you like a guy, don’t walk to him and ask him out. Focus first on flirting and building up complicity. The relationship or dating “thing” comes later. Once he warms up to the idea that you are fun to be with, he’ll be an easy pray!

Finally, if you want to more succeed in getting a man that you like, then you need extra power and effective strategies. You have two options:

a. The first one is to keep on doing what you have been doing till now.

b. The second one is to connect with a new refreshing mind set.

Dating is like hunting. You can sit down and wait. It won’t work!

If you want to break through, you need to take action! You need to know how to relate to men. You need to know how to feel comfortable around them, understand their psyche and know how to make your relationship with a man work.

These are your goals!

These are your targets.

You don t want just a man in your life!

You actually want to be able to connect with any man you like effortlessly!

No shame! No guilt! Fearless!

So, what do you want to conquer?

A man’s heart!

A man’s mind!

Then, do what it takes to succeed!

To understand how men think and why they act the way they do with women whether it’s on the first date, or after years of a steady relationship. Then you need to visit http://www.freewebs.com/catchandkeephim

And make this year YOUR YEAR, by giving yourself the best chance for learning the skills to attract a man that you’ve always wanted, knowing the secret to a man staying committed for the long-run is, and how to get your relationship back on track. Just Click Here

Apr 13

Dating Advice – When Do You Introduce The In-Laws?

Meeting the in-laws is a purposeful and planned event, especially for those who do not live with them. If you are still living with your folks, skip to “Still living at home, how to successfully land the man of your dreams”.

For some, introductions are coordinated in the first month of a relationship, while others wait until several months or even years into the relationships. The reasons can depend on culture, strength of parent-child relationship, strength of couple, horrible past introductions, and for a wide variety of other reasons. The ‘intro’ can happen at any time.

Things to watch out for:

* One person is pushing to meet the in-laws while the other one is adamant on not coordinating a meeting. While this could indicate simple discontent with the parents, or lack of regard for their input into the life, not wanting to allow a crossing over of lives can be a symptom of something major, such as fear of commitment, embarrassment, or worse! The lack of an introduction can mean that the other person is not sure about how you fit into their lives.

* After meeting the in-laws they want to be integrated into all aspects of your life. What can happen if you introduce the family too soon? They can begin to feel as though they have a responsibility to ensure the success of the relationship and start meddling. Be careful! Once you begin to allow it, if you suddenly decide to lead your own life, it will damage their egos.

* If you are dating someone from a different culture, ensure that you both understand the different cultural affiliations, and norms. Interracial or intercultural relationships can present significant advantages and add different views and ways of lives. But, when meeting the in-laws, it is important to attempt to acknowledge and embrace their way of life. It may not be that different, but accepting the changes and slight variations in traditions can go a long way to your peaceful and seamless integration into the family environment. I’m sure you have invited a mate for dinner at your parent’s place, where after they left, your mother or father made a comment about his mannerism, accent, behavior, historical background. We live in a world that is much more tolerant than our ancestors; however, differences still intrigue us. So, ensure to brief both parties about the differences, or orchestrate an open discussion.

Visit Real Dating Review now and sign up to Penelope’s Free Dating Newsletter, Tea For Two!

Apr 12

You’ve Got to Stand for Something

Or you’ll fall for anything. If you do not have values, you never have good relationships. You must know who you are, what you believe in, and what you want in relationship.

Know Who You Are – You are who you are. You have essentially been this person your entire life. You are NOT what you do for a living. That is simply how you make money. You are a person with thoughts, dreams, hopes, and fears. If you really don’t know who you are, you should sit down and write out a description of yourself. You can include your physical attributes, but that is only part of who you are. Write down all the things that are important to you, in any order. Don’t leave anything out, even things you may consider to be flaws or faults. Once you have a better grasp on who you are, you can get on to having meaningful relationships.

Know What You Believe In – Everybody believes in something. I’m not talking about religious beliefs, although that is a big part of who some people are. I’m talking about the things you feel passionately about. Do you feel strongly about politics? religion? sex? West Australian hummingbirds? sports? raising children? Whatever you feel strongly about shapes who you are, and becomes your values system.

Know What You Want – If you are looking for a particular type of relationship, or a particular type of person, DO NOT settle for anything less. If you are looking for a purely physical, short-term situation, and you settle down with someone for a long-term committed relationship, you will end up feeling trapped and it will ultimately end badly. On the other hand, if you’re looking for a long-term commitment, and you hook up with someone for a one-night stand, you will likely end up feeling empty and dirty. If you’re looking for someone outgoing and personable, and you are with someone who is very shy and reserved, you are not going to be very happy, either.

It always comes back to communication, especially with yourself. You must know who you are, what you believe in, and what you want. Otherwise, you not be happy in any relationship.

Will Irvin is the Webmaster for Premier Dating Online, a valuable source for Online Dating Tips, Relationship Advice, and Dating Service Reviews. As an active member of the Online Dating Community, as well as the Online Social Networking Community in general, Will offers a street-level perspective into online relationships, online etiquette, and human relationships in general.

For more Online Dating Tips, please visit Premier Dating Online, read our Online Dating Tips, Subscribe to Pick Up the Pieces, the Premier Dating Online Newsletter, or Subscribe to the Premier Dating Online Articles Feed, and always get the latest Articles directly to you favorite Feed Reader

Apr 11

How To Tell If He Likes You – Top 20 Signs To Know If A Guy Really Likes You!

How do you tell if a guy likes you? That is the question that I always hear when a girl is asking to their friends about a guy that she starts getting interested to him.

Sometimes, it can be frustrating not knowing the whether he may feel the same way as you do. Sometimes we might think that he does like us but the fact might be the opposite.

Well, to know that a guy likes you then you have to read the signs from himself to know if he really likes to you or not. So, here are some signs to look for to know when a guy likes you:

1. He will make eye contact with you, then look away when your eyes meet.

2. He always be willing to help you or do you favors (like rides home, or physical work)

3. He will always look for you in a crowd, then when he finds you will act like he doesn’t see you

4. He will laugh at all your jokes/will try to make you laugh.

5. He talks to his friends about you

6. He mentions activities that you are interested in so there is a chance for you two to do them together.

7. He will always find a reason to talk to you or touch you in any way.

8. He pokes fun at you, but in a nice way

9. He seems genuinely interested in what you have to say.

10. He remembers little things that you’ve talked about before a long time ago, and brings them up in conversations to let you know that he remembered.

11. He will always stare at you, and your friends may notice it too.

12. When you are talking with him and your friends, he will only comment on something that you say, or will look at you whenever he speaks.

13. He starts acting nicer when you’re around him

14. He says “yes” to all the things you ask him to do

15. He treats you differently to other girls (He will make you feel special)

16. He looks at you a lot every time you smile or laugh

17. He finds any excuse to touch you or sit next to you

18. If you flirt with a friend of his when he can see, and he looks jealous or automatically flirts back

19. He asks about you to your friends when you’re not around

20. He has cute little nicknames for you

Now, after knowing all these signs, what will you do next?

Once you know fairly sure that he likes you, it is time to take action. Put together a step-by-step plan for getting him to fall for you.

But how about if he seems does not interested in you?

If that so, then you need to know the trick is. The trick here is to know what it is that makes a man feel this kind of attraction for you. You need to learn the specifics tips for how to create that kind of attraction inside a man, whether you’re just meeting him, or you’ve been together for months or years.

When you do the things that are sure to make a man feel that gut-level attraction that goes deeper than just his physical attraction and desires, then he’ll do and try anything to be close to you.

Finally, what you need to do is to learn skill about knowing how to make man feel attraction for you. What you have to do is to learn. It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that any woman can learn it if she wants.

So, if you want to learn the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION for you and want him to be around you for the long term, then you need to visit Catch And Keep Him

Besides the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, you’ll also discover about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship (that lots of women will never know about!).

Apr 10

Is He My Soul Mate? 13 Questions to Ask To Yourself!

Sometimes, girls may be wondering if her partner is the ‘one’ or not? The one that you will experience many life experiences with such as marriage, the honeymoon, kids, family life and old age.

Well, there are some ways that you can tell that your partner is your truly soul mate. If you care for him deeply and find yourself wondering he is indeed the ‘one’ then ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does he have admirable integrity?

2. Is he the kind of person who does what he says he was going to do?

3. Does he finish what he starts?

4. Do you respect him as a person and as a man?

5. Do you feel that he respects you as a person and a woman?

6. Does he actually treat you with respect?

7. Does he make you feel special?

8. Does he make you feel important that you are an important part of his life?

9. Does he respect your opinions and views?

10. Is he proud when introducing you to his family and friends?

11. Is he considerate of your feelings?

12. Does he do anything to help solving your problems?

13. Does he give you to feel comfortable and secure in the relationship?

So, if you’ve said yes to most of these questions, then you’re very likely with Mr. Right. Because Mr. Right is someone that can be good friend, a respectful friend, but he also can make your heart beat a little faster and he wants to share his joy in what he does with you. If someone or something is hurting you, then he wants to make it better even when all they can do is listen to you vent. He just wants to do what he can to fix it.

Finally, if you’re still on the same page, then you’re very likely with Mr. Right now because Mr. Right is someone who is going to embody most of these qualities. But remember, the last and most important to judge whether he is your soul mate or not, is your own heart. If your intuition, your gut, and your inner wise woman says, “yes, this is the one.” Then you’ve found Mr. Right.

Discover how to attract a man that you’ve always wanted, what the secret to a man staying committed for the long-run is, and how to get your relationship back on track.

Apr 9

Who’s Writing Your Life Script?

Imagine you’re attending a live theatre show with friends. It’s interval and the inevitable question comes up: What do you think of the show so far?” This particular show is rather different and it’s vitally important to you – it’s called “Your Life”. You’re the star, the director, producer and script writer.

So, what do you think of your life so far? Like the stage show, there’ll be parts you’ve liked and parts you haven’t, people you’ve liked and people you haven’t. Are you hoping the second half of the show will be as good as, or better than, the first half?

There’s some other noteworthy factors about this show:

It’s the opening night and it’s also closing night – there’s only one performance
There’s no rehearsal
The script is being written as you go and much of the early parts were predominantly written by others for you.
How much are others still dictating to you what the script should be? Do you feel life generally is writing the script for you? In other words, do you feel you’re simply being swept along by influences outside of your control?

A play is written against a backdrop of external events but the plot is created by the writer. It’s the same in real life. You may not have control over the events that affect your life, but you most certainly have control over how you decide to respond to them. Therefore, no matter what is going on around you, you have the right and the power to write your own script.

The influences on your script so far can be looked at in terms of your work, home life and play (your discretionary interests). Of these, you may well have had the least control over your work, greater control over your home life and the greatest control over your personal discretionary interests which reflect how you enjoy expressing your true self.

Probably, however, the areas over which you have the greatest control have been given the lowest priority in your life’s development. Look at it this way. An acorn has all the ingredients to become an oak. Nature provides the necessary soil and water to reach its inevitable destiny of blossoming into a majestic tree. You were once the size of an acorn in your mother’s womb. That embryo contained all the ingredients needed to be who you are today – and much more. But life stunts our growth and we’re distracted from blossoming to our full potential.

Now is the time to remind yourself that the show has only one performance – and who knows how long it will be? It’s time to focus on the person within you, more than the world around you.

In scripting the rest of “Your Life”, get back to discovering, exploring and enjoying all of your embryonic talents and abilities that have been lying dormant or under-developed within you. There’s a wonderful person in there who so often hides behind a public mask, a passionate being who has much to offer but who is suppressed in favour of society’s version of success.

Focus the rest of your life on enjoying being the person your natural talents were begging you to become, the person who enjoys being the real you. The spin-offs will surprise you in terms of not only greater personal life satisfaction, but also better relationships with others, improved work/life harmony and a higher quality of work productivity. In short, you will achieve the success you were born to enjoy.

You are invited to visit http://www.workleisure.com for further information on Peter Nicholls’ approach to lifestyle management that focuses on the real person you have always been. Peter Nicholls can be contacted at peter@workleisure.com.

Apr 8

The Introvert Personality

A Definition of Introvert

Introversion is the tendency to focus one’s attention towards the inner, mental world rather than external, physical “reality”.

Introversion is a natural characteristic occurring in about 25% of the population according to psychotherapist Dr Marti Olsen Laney in her excellent book The Introvert Advantage. Introversion is not something we have or not, rather we all occupy a specific point on an introvert extrovert continuum.

Know thyself: are you an introvert?

We are each born with unique characteristics. In order to play our particular traits to their best advantage it is necessary to become acquainted with precisely what we are, our drives, inhibitions etc. Self-knowledge comes primarily from introspection, a surprisingly difficult process that requires discipline to overcome our mind’s inherent reticence.

If you prefer sitting quietly to socializing, if you prefer fewer, deeper relationships to numerous casual, shallow friendships, chances are you are an introvert.

Self-observation and introspection may be supplemented with the use of various “personality tests”, a number of which are freely available online. Tests based on Jung’s personality types, eg the Myers-Briggs, will reveal where you lie on introvert extrovert continuum.

Accept no single test as definitive. Instead, take several and compare their findings with what you already know about yourself. Tests may highlight certain aspects of yourself that you were not consciously aware of but in seeing them made explicit you might acknowledge them.

Through the process of introspection, testing and comparing the outcomes with self-knowledge and experience we arrive at a pretty good idea of our particular character and its strengths and weaknesses. Whatever our peculiarities we are now empowered to begin making the best of them.

Acceptance

We are each unique individuals, born precisely as we are to fulfill a very special purpose. That’s right, YOU ARE SPECIAL. Be you tall or short, fat or thin, light or dark skinned, introvert or extrovert… you are special and worthy of self-approval and love.

Western society tends to value extroverts more highly than introverts, perhaps that’s because extroverts are in the majority. However introversion is NOT a problem or disease, nor is it something to be ashamed of or ‘cured’. In many ways introverts have advantages over extroverts. By directing their energies inwards they are closer to their Spiritual essence. Introverts can more easily open themselves to inspiration and creativity. They are less distracted by worthless, deleterious “noise”.

To introverts the inner, mental world is of supreme importance. Relating to externality takes great effort, even – at times – pain. Because of society’s prejudice towards extroversion we may begin to feel weak, inferior. Stop being overwhelmed by other’s views of what’s ‘right’ or ‘best’. Only you can know what it’s like to be you. Only you know what you truly want in life. Never try to be what you are not.

Just as we should accept ourselves as we are, so we should accept others for what they are. No man is an island. Human progress has been made possible by specialization and cooperation. Just consider how many contribute to the comfort enjoyed in our daily lives, the farmers that produce our food, the builders that build our houses, the teachers that empower us with knowledge etc etc. And so we must accept the need to co-exist harmoniously with others.

From social interaction the introvert may even find experience and stimulation. But only ever so far as we are comfortable. In the knowledge of ourselves we should never try to be extrovert, just as dogs never try to be cats.

What of the introvert married to an extrovert partner? Even in partnership we retain individuality. It is OK for each spouse to pursue his or her particular path. But, occasionally, compromise is necessary. Perhaps the introvert partner may agree to attend a limited number of social functions on condition that s/he may time limit their involvement, the degree of involvement, and whether involvement happens at all.

A Place of Your Own

With self-knowledge and self-acceptance the introvert can begin constructing a lifestyle and pathway that is right for them. They should identify their most productive channels (writing, painting, business, finance, whatever…) and pursue these and direct their efforts to achieving maximum impact within them.

Ideally the introvert will be able to make a living through self-employment. The growth of the Internet is creating numerous new home-based business opportunities, liberating many from the rat race of working for others.

Librarianship, accountancy and academia are oft considered classic introvert occupations. A quiet and predictable work environment is good, as is one that aligns effort with conscience, eg working with a non-profit organization operating in a field that is strongly believed in.

As mentioned, there are varying degrees of introversion. For some introverts a quiet and entirely unstimulating existence is bliss. These folk are lucky. They can simply organize their lives, work and hobbies to minimize external stimulation. This certainly does not make their lives bland or unproductive. What they lack in external engagement is compensated by their rich and active inner world. This group can be extremely creative.

Other introverts face the paradox of craving a degree of external stimulation, but finding it physically and mentally draining. For such folk the answer is in finding a balance that optimizes personal satisfaction, eg engaging in external activity but limiting the number or type of events they participate in. “All things in moderation”, is a good motto. Learning to allocate enough energy for venturing outwards balanced by sufficient recovery time for self-repair is the key. It takes practice and will surely bring some knocks along the way, but with maturity that harmony may be found.

Johnny Finnis is editor of selfhelpsanctum.com, helping you help yourself. Have your say on our blog A Spiritual Voice.